Trust No One (Full Version)
Then it dawned on me that this was the very reason why he had suggested that I invite Ben He finally wants to meet him He wants to put everything on the table and make sure that yesterday’s embarrassing situation will never happen again All right I said “If you think so” He said he did think so He waited a long time and then asked “Chrissy” You said you read the log “Yes” I say He waited a little longer I didn’t call this morning I didn’t tell you where it was I realized it was true I went to the closet myself although I had no idea what I would find in it I found the shoebox and opened it almost without thinking I found it myself as if I remembered it would be there That’s great He said I am writing this diary in bed It was getting late but Ben was in his study which was across the terrace I could hear him working the keyboard clicking and the mouse Occasionally I could hear a sigh and hear his chair squeak I imagine he’s squinting at the screen I’m sure if he turns off the machine and goes to sleep I’ll hear the sound and have time to hide my log Despite what I thought this morning Dr Nash and I are now in agreement and I’m sure I don’t want my husband to find out what I wrote I spoke to him this evening while we were sitting in the dining-room Can I ask you a question He looked up and Inflatable indoor park I said “Why don’t we ever have kids” I guess I was testing him I secretly begged him to tell me the truth and refute my inference The timing always seems to be wrong He said “Then it’s too late” I pushed my plate aside and I was disappointed He came home late and called my name loudly when he came in the door and asked me how I was Where are you He said sounding accusatory I shouted that I was in the kitchen I’m preparing dinner I cut the onions and put them in the hot olive oil He stood in the doorway as if wondering whether to enter the room He looked a little tired and unhappy Are you all right I say He saw the knife in my hand “What are you doing” “Just making dinner” I say I laughed but he didn’t respond I thought we could have an omelette I found some eggs and some mushrooms in the fridge Do we have potatoes I couldn’t find it anywhere and I — “I had planned to eat pork chops in the evening” He said “I bought some I bought it yesterday” I think we can eat those “Sorry” I said “I-” But it doesn’t matter
There’s nothing wrong with fried eggs if you like I could feel the conversation slipping where I didn’t want it to go He was staring at the cutting board and my hand was hanging over it holding the knife Nope I say I laughed but he didn’t laugh with me It’s okay I didn’t realize I can “Now you’ve cut the onions” He said He spoke without emotion just stating the facts without any embellishment I know inflatable amusement park but We can still eat chopped onions right “Do whatever you want” He said He turned and walked towards the dining-room I’ll set the table I didn’t answer I don’t know what I did wrong if I did wrong I continued to chop the onion We sat face to face without saying a few words during the meal I asked him if everything was okay but he shrugged and said yes There are a lot of things today He only told me this sentence and when I asked he added “Things at work” The conversation had been nipped in the bud before it began and I thought it would be better to tell him about my diary and Dr Nash I took a bite of my food and tried not to worry — he had a right to have a bad day after all I told myself — but uneasiness gnawed at my heart I could feel the opportunity to open my mouth slipping away and I didn’t know if I would wake up in the morning believing it was the right thing to do and finally I couldn’t stand it any longer But did we ever want to have children I say He sighed “Chrissy do we have Inflatable outdoor park to talk about this” “I’m sorry” I say I still don’t know what I’m going to say Maybe it’s better to let this topic go But I realized I couldn’t do that
“It’s just that a very strange thing happened today” I say I was trying to lighten my tone trying to be casual I just thought I remembered something “Something” “Yes” Oh I don’t know “Go on” He leaned forward and suddenly became eager “What do you remember” My eyes were fixed on the wall behind him There hung a picture of a close-up of a petal but it was black and white and the water on the petal had not yet fallen off It looks cheap I think It seems that it should be in a department store not in someone’s home I remember having a child He sat back in his chair opened his eyes wide and then closed them tightly He took a breath and let out a long sigh Is it true I said “We had a baby” If he’s lying now then I don’t know what I’m going to do I guess I guess I will quarrel with him or tell him everything in an uncontrollable and stormy way He opened his eyes and looked at me Yes He said “It’s true” He told me about Adam and a wave of relief overwhelmed me Relief but mixed with a touch of pain For so many years I can’t find it forever All these moments I can’t remember I’ll never get them back I felt a desire in my heart It was growing growing so strong that it seemed to engulf me Ben told me about Adam’s birth his childhood his life Where did he go to school The nativity play he performed at school His wonderful performances on the football field and track How disappointed he was with his exam results His girlfriends Once he mistook a half-rolled cigar for marijuana I asked Ben questions and he answered them all; he seemed happy as he talked about his son as if his emotions were driven away by memories joyshineinflatables.com
